1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
5. A backward poet writes inverse.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
9. Hey broke in to song because he couldn't find the key.
10. The calender's days are numbered.
11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
12. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
13. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
14. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
15. When you have seen one shopping center you have seen a mall.
16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
17. When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
18. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
19. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
21. The roundest knight at king Arthur's table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
23. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
25. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary.
26. A dog gave birth near the road and was cited for littering.
27. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
28. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. then it hit me.
29. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital. when his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse said 'No change yet.'
30. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
Well, I should not be surprised if many of you have already read most of these, but I liked most of them a lot and thought I might as well post 'em.
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